When all you have to do is “just think positive”.
This sentence might as well be the biggest pet peeve of people who suffer from depression or anxiety. “You just need to get over it and be happy!” is another one.
Look, I have been very depressed in the past due to my situation back then. When the situation changed it got better. But still I’d say I’m more sensitive for pessimistic thoughts, plus I’ve always had irrational fears on top of it. Next to that I’m very aware of these thoughts and the simple fact that I get myself even more down by thinking these things. This starts the circle of being angry at myself by not being able to thinking happy thoughts. Even writing this down feels very stupid and yet my mind keeps rambling back and forth. Because if it is so simple to just not think pessimistic, why can’t I just stop thinking like this. “I must be really failing at life” I say to myself.
“If I can’t even be happy, why would I even succeed in other things… Why would I actually start a blog. People will hate me just as much as I do myself. People will be judging, and yes I do care about the judgements!”
These are a few things that went on in my head before even starting this blogpost. Because I made a commitment on my blog, to blog every week and I already failed.
I disappointed myself.
I mean, like stated above, yes I do care about the judgements. But all the judgements are mainly coming from me…
“You’re your own biggest critic” is what people would describe it. And of course, like all standard interview and Facebook quote’s, this is kinda true.
I made myself think that because I judge myself so much, and got judged in the passed so much, people will hate me anyway. So why would I try… At this point I can only disappoint myself, instead of fooling myself.
This seems like a good option, just disappointing yourself… But actually it is the worst you can do, because you have to take yourself home every day. And you’re watching series on the coach by yourself. You have to go to work and school every day and you have to be the best partner you can be to your significant other…
If you make the choice to disappoint yourself, every time, you’ll never find out what it is like to be proud of yourself.
You don’t have to be instant happy, in fact, if you are pessimistic you better accept it and be content with your own flaws. Make your characteristics work for you instead of against you. Even though I haven’t figured out how, I just as hell know that the sentences “Think positive” and “just be happy” didn’t work for me.
So if you, like me, are the most pessimistic thinker of the world and you like to make EVERYTHING worse in your head. Which once in a while makes you miss things which you regret and cause small panic attacks with being frustrated with yourself…?
Follow my try at being content with myself and finding my BEST pessimistic-self as well as your pessimistic-self.
And because you might as well be pissed about something in this post, here it goes; “THINK POSITIVE!! BE HAPPY AND BE THE BEST SELF YOU OUGHT TO BE!”